Friday, March 8, 2013

International Women's Day

Jumaat hari tu hari wanita sedunia. I dont care. Because last three days was the worst day of my life.
I've never thought that people will simply judge me solely based on my project's progress. Yes, i'm talking about my work here.
I dont know what else should i do. They asked me to do some of the A's (bukan nama sebenar) task because she is busy with the so-called big issue on her process. Ok, i'm willing to help her. After all, i was the ex-owner of that process. I've been doing all those stuff that are not related to my current process just for the sake of helping her. And somehow, i neglected my own project. It was on hold for a while. I must admit that this is my own mistake. I cant focus on that project. I just cant. You know the feeling of handling two totally different type of process and at the same time people keep pushing you to hit the dateline. It's like you have to cut your brain into two sections, so that they can work and think individually. I dont expect you to understand. I know that you dont even care. Just let me have some space to let all those feelings out of my chest. Because they are eating me up :'(

And last Thursday, they were questioning about my effectiveness. They were wondering why my project has been slowing down lately. What should i say? I have try my best to fulfill their request. They dont even care about the works i've done for A that have been occupied me. They dont care about all those things that i've done previously. I should just say no when they were asking for my help. I should just say no when they keep transferring me to different process ownership. I should say "Please, leave me alone. I was just 5 months old with this new process, and you expect me to master all? The last owner was given 1 week to pass down everything to me. I was struggling to understand this process by myself. I'm learning everything by myself. Do you even care about that?" But again, they are the bosses. I am just the slave to the company. What else can i do.

I just hope that there is someone,somewhere that didnt judge people by eyes, instead he/she judge people by heart and brain. I am sick with people taking me for granted. I am sick of everything. If appreciating me is something too much to ask for, then just leave me alone.

::spell to be cast out::

saya rindu semua orang.